Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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