Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
