He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
