you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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