My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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