My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
