I CAN MOONWALK!
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
