thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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