I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
