How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
