I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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