it hurts more in the daytime
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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