Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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