I think I am morally bankrupt
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
