Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
