Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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