mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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