You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
