What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
this just has baby written all over it
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
