Whod you bang
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
