This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
