Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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