hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
