Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
