I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
