Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
