My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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