I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
