Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
