Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
