I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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