I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I wanna passion pit in your ass
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
