i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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