why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The power of my boobs compel you
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
