i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She needs sedatives and a leash
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
