non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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