listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
