a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
