i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
