I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
jump out the window naked night went bad
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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