My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
