I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
