i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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