so explain again why im purple
no
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
my shit smells like andre
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
