I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
