and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
