I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My liver just broke up with me...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
