2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Boobs are out for the taking
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Sorry about my life...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
