yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
