maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
