Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
