Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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