I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
