haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
How external is "for external use only"?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
