thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
